Life gets busy, we get caught up in the day to day things and decide that things like driving a couple miles to grandmas house can be replaced in our minds as "Ill do it tomorrow. My grandparents lived on a 200+ acre farm in an old farmhouse they completely remodeled and added on to. Growing up my grandpa taught us hard work, love, humbleness, and simplicity among many other things. Grandpa would cut and haul wood for the winter, while grandma would be inside taking care of the house. A fond memory was my grandma calling to my grandpa in the garage from the porch " Mark". He would reply "what". She'd say "suppers ready'. My grandparents were what relationship dreams are made of in my eyes. When supper was done, she would wait on him to get finished up and when he was finished, he would say something like "that was good, thank you" and he'd give her a kiss then went back to work in the garage. My sister and I spent a lot of time out on the family land, we rode bikes, four-wheelers, hauled hay, treated fields, gardened, hauled wood and so much more. My grandma taught me how to be the best wife and mother I could be and a lot of my cooking skills and recipes and how to put love into every dish I make. Beef and noodles was one of the many things that was her specialty along with butterscotch pie. Outdoor things were my grandpas specialties, he taught me all I know about how to survive outdoors from livestock to starting a fire. When my grandpa got cancer, I did all I could to help him with appointments and all. When he passed, it broke my heart.....

Warning, this next part is very raw and something I don't speak about face to face with anyone.

July 16th,2016: My grandpa was put on hospice and the  Dry's told us that his liver cancer had taken over and that everything was shutting down. That whole week I had been by his side everyday doing anything I could for him. On this day, we were invited to a cookout and I told everyone that I was going to stay there and they told me they would call me if anything happened, I didn't want something to happen and me be 30 min away. Hesitantly we went to the cookout, not even an hour there and I get a call that sinks my stomach. They told me to come back. I couldn't even speak, we swept the kids into the car and sped all the way back with my nerves shot. This couldn't be happening, not yet, are we going to make it there in time?....

Everything went in slow motion as soon as I got out of my car. I ran as fast as I could into the house, I walk in and see them shake their head confirming he was gone... all I could do was fall into my husband arms and went into an anxiety attack. He wasn't done. When your young, you think that 63 is old, when you are 22 and your last grandpa that you have passes it doesn't seem old anymore. He lived a semi-full happy life. I say semi because in my mind, there was so much more for him to do. Who was going to teach my kids all the life skills that he did me? My boys will never get to enjoy his shake hugs or remember his childhood stories. All of this broke my heart and still does.  I believe still to this day that my grandpa waited for me that day, he held on just long enough for me to walk through the door.

I started visiting my grandma as often as I would but like I started with, life gets in the way, it becomes a tomorrow idea. Tomorrow seems perfectly fine until it's not. My grandma was my best friend you could say. She would always call me Crystal, which is my aunts name. I would tell her "it's alright, that's a complement because she is beautiful". My grandma would reply "Tressa, you are beautiful". I do not take complements well at all but she said it in such a way that I believed her and that was all I needed, those simple four words randomly words spoken in conversations picked my self confidence up. I live to talk, I would always tell her she was going to tell me to shut up one day and she'd say no. She always listened to me blab on and on about anything and everything. I would say "I talk to kids all day, sorry I talk so much".

January 7th, 2018 My grandma passed, this was unexpected and honestly I don't have the words yet. If and when I find them, I will blog it. All I know how to express for now is these song lyrics.

The one my heart and soul confided in,
the one I felt the safest with
the one who knew just what to say
to make me laugh again
let the light back in
I miss my friend


The past few weeks have been numbing..... we have been sorting and cleaning out The house that built me. The home that made me the person I am today is being sold off.  A place that used to be full of love,laughes, warmth and a place to fell safe is now an empty shell. It's now dark, empty, and echoes. I would never imagine the home to echo... I realize God has a plan and that everything happens for a reason, but how do you say goodbye? Every time I leave the driveway, I wonder if it is the last time and I.......... just don't have words.

In the end, I won't take anything more important than a memory, of The House That Built Me...