Forget Me Not

 Forget Me Not

Who You Were

Imagine a beautiful little girl born in 1933 at the end of the  depression. Her name was Virginia Holt.Her family was poor. So when the depression "officially" ended, they still struggled.She had to hunt "snow birds" for the family for food.She lived in a small home in the local area woods with her mother,father,three sisters, and 2 brothers. Her mother passed away when she was around three years old from tuberculosis.They had to burn the home. After that her father could not care for them so she went to stay with her aunt. The siblings got split up. She ended up coming back to the area and came to stay with her future in laws. She fell in love with her husband Alfred Earl.They married young and traveled the States when Alfred was in the service. Virginia loved to go dancing. I was told she was really good at the jitterbug. Virginia and Alfred settled back in Indiana, they raised their 3 kids and later raised their great granddaughter. They helped to raise and care for others through their lives. This woman I am speaking was my great grandma.She always had bacon in the oven. If she wasn't cooking the next meal, she would make you something to eat. Like an echo, I can hear her saying "Howdy Dudy". God or "Jehovah" to her, was always first. She was a very proud woman of her faith. She would always remind us to pray. That woman worried about everyone and was always looking for some way to help however she could. My grandma was a hard working woman, she cleaned and cooked and was faithful to her husband. I will always aspire to being the wife,mother,friend,family,and faithful woman that she was. 

The Thief 

Without warning, the thief came slowly into your mind. First it took the thought of what you were going to do here and there. It started to take more of that. Then it started to take your driving ability.Your sweet loved passed and your sweet heart broke. It took memories of phone numbers and pill regimens. We came and helped you sort this out. The thief was so cruel and it took your ability to eat,dress,change channels,and use the phone. The hardest of all, it took us from your memory. It left you with nothing. 

Forget Me Not

Your memories left you, but they never left us. You shared your life,love and happiness with us. You showed us how to be a spouse,mother,friend,sister,aunt,and grandmother. You fought with ever ounce to keep who you were. You lived your life to the absolute fullest and there is nothing in this entire world more commendable and honorable than that. Grandma,you will never be forgotten.The thief won nothing. You will live on in us,our children,and their children.  Forget you,I will not. 

Keeper Of The Flame

It's been three months, time that has seemed to speed by in the blink of an eye without me even realizing. I have really struggled to say the least through this time, I don't like to show my emotion or talk about things. I have spoke to God, I have been at a loss of words, I have been mad, and empty. Even though I prayed every day for God to show me what to do or where to go from here, how to move on, I didn't feel I was getting an answer... but I kept praying. God has done such great things for me in my life and event though I felt empty, I had a tiny glimmer of hope and I had my faith.

Doesn't Go There

I received my grandmas kitchen timer that she use to use, it's an older timer that you twist to set. Grandma always had the timer over beside the stove as longs as I can remember. When I brought the timer home, I placed it on top of my stove (very top) and noticed that it had fell a couple times but I hadn't thought anything about it, I placed it back where I had it (thought it fell by bumping the stove). A couple weeks ago my husband, the kids, and I were watching a movie when we heard something fall, nothing had been in the kitchen and nothing was shaking the house ect. My husband and I looked at each other and he went to look, he found the timer had fell off of the stove. I looked at him and said "okay, mamaw says the timer doesn't go on the stove". I just kind of laughed it off and went on but it felt nice for a moment to believe it.

It's gonna be alright again
I took the kids to my moms last week so they could get out of the house a while and so I could do some spring cleaning. I also received a music player relative to a snow globe that you twist to make play the tune which is placed on a bookshelf that was my grandmas and placed by a few ceramic items that were hers. I was home alone, cleaning my room and had been for a little while when all of the sudden, one of those music playing objects started playing. I wasn't scared and didn't get any cold feeling but it was definatly odd. The music played for a whole 60 seconds. After weeks of heart wrenching and feeling lost. I felt that my grandma was sending me a message that it will be alright again.


My grandma was a shoulder for anyone when they needed it, she would help anyone she could. We all know that grandmas have a special place in our lives and myn was so near to my heart. As I said, I have I have struggled to find reasoning or answers. Almost every time I visited with her, my grandma would tell me how beautiful I was and that I was "an old woman". What she meant by this was that I was an old soul, I like to hang my laundry, had wash my dishes, that I grew up quickly and looked at the world in a matured way and enjoyed the simple things in life. I learned so much from her and just this last week God has spoke to me and reminded me of things she has taught and told me over the years. My answer didn't come in "my time", but rather in time for me. Why? The answer is because he is God and I am not, HIS will was done. God is working on my heart and though it hurts to see the farm be sold off and to take the steps to move on, I am doing it slowly.
I will go on by being happy with myself and staying strong in my faith in God. I will teach my children the life skills that my grandparents have passed on to me. I will forgive and help others as often as I can. I will do my best not to judge others as I am not perfect myself. I will spread the stories that have been passed on to me as I grew up.



God is showing me to lead by the example my grandparents gave, because..

I'm bent but I'm not broken, I'm stronger than I feel
I'm made of flesh and bone,not made of steel
I'm the Keeper Of The Flame
the teller of the stories
for the ones that came before me

When I'm drowning
when I'm fighting
when I'm screaming
when I'm hiding
when I'm loosing
when I'm winning,
I go back to the beginning

I'm The Keeper Of The Flame.-Miranda Lambert

Life gets busy, we get caught up in the day to day things and decide that things like driving a couple miles to grandmas house can be replaced in our minds as "Ill do it tomorrow. My grandparents lived on a 200+ acre farm in an old farmhouse they completely remodeled and added on to. Growing up my grandpa taught us hard work, love, humbleness, and simplicity among many other things. Grandpa would cut and haul wood for the winter, while grandma would be inside taking care of the house. A fond memory was my grandma calling to my grandpa in the garage from the porch " Mark". He would reply "what". She'd say "suppers ready'. My grandparents were what relationship dreams are made of in my eyes. When supper was done, she would wait on him to get finished up and when he was finished, he would say something like "that was good, thank you" and he'd give her a kiss then went back to work in the garage. My sister and I spent a lot of time out on the family land, we rode bikes, four-wheelers, hauled hay, treated fields, gardened, hauled wood and so much more. My grandma taught me how to be the best wife and mother I could be and a lot of my cooking skills and recipes and how to put love into every dish I make. Beef and noodles was one of the many things that was her specialty along with butterscotch pie. Outdoor things were my grandpas specialties, he taught me all I know about how to survive outdoors from livestock to starting a fire. When my grandpa got cancer, I did all I could to help him with appointments and all. When he passed, it broke my heart.....

Warning, this next part is very raw and something I don't speak about face to face with anyone.

July 16th,2016: My grandpa was put on hospice and the  Dry's told us that his liver cancer had taken over and that everything was shutting down. That whole week I had been by his side everyday doing anything I could for him. On this day, we were invited to a cookout and I told everyone that I was going to stay there and they told me they would call me if anything happened, I didn't want something to happen and me be 30 min away. Hesitantly we went to the cookout, not even an hour there and I get a call that sinks my stomach. They told me to come back. I couldn't even speak, we swept the kids into the car and sped all the way back with my nerves shot. This couldn't be happening, not yet, are we going to make it there in time?....

Everything went in slow motion as soon as I got out of my car. I ran as fast as I could into the house, I walk in and see them shake their head confirming he was gone... all I could do was fall into my husband arms and went into an anxiety attack. He wasn't done. When your young, you think that 63 is old, when you are 22 and your last grandpa that you have passes it doesn't seem old anymore. He lived a semi-full happy life. I say semi because in my mind, there was so much more for him to do. Who was going to teach my kids all the life skills that he did me? My boys will never get to enjoy his shake hugs or remember his childhood stories. All of this broke my heart and still does.  I believe still to this day that my grandpa waited for me that day, he held on just long enough for me to walk through the door.

I started visiting my grandma as often as I would but like I started with, life gets in the way, it becomes a tomorrow idea. Tomorrow seems perfectly fine until it's not. My grandma was my best friend you could say. She would always call me Crystal, which is my aunts name. I would tell her "it's alright, that's a complement because she is beautiful". My grandma would reply "Tressa, you are beautiful". I do not take complements well at all but she said it in such a way that I believed her and that was all I needed, those simple four words randomly words spoken in conversations picked my self confidence up. I live to talk, I would always tell her she was going to tell me to shut up one day and she'd say no. She always listened to me blab on and on about anything and everything. I would say "I talk to kids all day, sorry I talk so much".

January 7th, 2018 My grandma passed, this was unexpected and honestly I don't have the words yet. If and when I find them, I will blog it. All I know how to express for now is these song lyrics.

The one my heart and soul confided in,
the one I felt the safest with
the one who knew just what to say
to make me laugh again
let the light back in
I miss my friend


The past few weeks have been numbing..... we have been sorting and cleaning out The house that built me. The home that made me the person I am today is being sold off.  A place that used to be full of love,laughes, warmth and a place to fell safe is now an empty shell. It's now dark, empty, and echoes. I would never imagine the home to echo... I realize God has a plan and that everything happens for a reason, but how do you say goodbye? Every time I leave the driveway, I wonder if it is the last time and I.......... just don't have words.

In the end, I won't take anything more important than a memory, of The House That Built Me...